Thursday, September 25, 2008

A past unforgettable...

This is my 1st post explaining about a past which wasn't meant to be.
Over the years, I've been through few relationships and one of them, particularly this one was the  toughest. Now, I think that the only way to express myself is through here. This blog serves like my personal diary filled with a sea of emotions. This tale starts off in a stereotypical fashion - Kind of like Gal meets Guy beginning. By nature, I would start from the beginning. This girl was my junior during college days and we were in the same field of Advertising.

Initially we were just online friends, chatting, taking our time getting to know each other, casual conversations, formal talks about studies and somehow we hardly spoke to each other in during college i.e. in person. We crossed paths but not so often had we spoken to each other face-to-face. After few months of online chatting and with conversations which lasted long nights, one evening, we took the next step and exchanged our personal phone numbers. I asked whether it would be possible to meet up someday but I had no idea that her intent was to meet-up on the very same day we exchanged numbers.

I took this brave step forward and we decided to meet at a restaurant called Kitchen Bell. The place was just opposite my home building. To be honest, I was a bit anxious. It is not often for me that I meet people online. Anyways, we ordered Hookah and our conversation last for hours and time just flew quickly. The evening didn't seem to end at this point. Well it's obvious, and it's not very surprising since everything seemed to be so new to us. To think about it, I felt that this was the 1st time I ever spoke to gal about so many things in one day. Not only I got to know her more but I found her quiet fascinating. I felt that there was some spark between us but a naive me didn't realize this.

Post our initial meeting, we decided to catch up again the next day at a place called EAT. We repeated the same routine we did in our first date together and again we spoke to each other with our heart's content. The ambience and the music was beautiful that made me sing some songs by just looking at her eyes. Well, this was the 1st time I ever enjoyed myself singing to a gal. I somehow realized this by now that this girl seemed to be very much interested in me. She opened up to me, spoke about her past problems and relationships. From our conversation, I felt she was quiet an adventurous person. This continued and we met like this for five to six consecutively. The thing about me is, when a girl starts giving you attention, you begin to develop these unexplained feelings but I wanted to ignore it at this point since I wasn't very sure if I really wanted to be more than just friends with her.

At first, she didn't seem to be my type but I pushed myself into transition and become a guy that she would further be interested in. Few days later, I gathered up the courage to ask her - whether would she still want to be friends with me or is there a possibility of being much more than friends. She asked me to decide that and I told her that I'm still not sure about it. My mind was driven in confusion and dilemma. We decided to go for the bike ride since she mentioned that she loves bike rides. Few minutes later, we were walking in a garden and it started to rain. The rain and the breeze made the environment cold.  This got me to think further, should I pop the question of saying the 3 words.

We took a stroll further into the garden, with my mind thinking about endless possibilities, understanding countless algorithms of what I was gonna do. Finally I told her that I want to be more than just friends and I kissed her without even saying the 3 words. She didn't hesitate and neither did she say no to it. Somehow, I was really happy and relieved that I made the right decision of being more than just friends with her. I really wanted to pursue this further and start a serious relationship.

In this so called 'Honeymoon Period', we continued to have an amazing relationship. We went for long bike rides, spoke about things that I couldn't express to my friends. I was happy... We had some really good times with each other. Somehow the good times also came with the bad times. The thing about our relationship was that there was more lust than love. It felt like Lust at first sight. I suppose we were both quiet emotionally unstable during this point of our lives. We both went through a difficult phase in our past relationships somehow we needed support. Some days, she would just come to my place, sing our favorite songs and watch a movie together. It felt like a dream. Sometimes we argued on the stupidest of things. There were more arguments and debates than just normal couple talks. I think that was kinda fun but simultaneously it was really annoying. Our debates ended up with me being 'correct' but then I wanted her to be right even if she was wrong on her point just so that i can see that smile on her face.

One day I got her to Bangur Nagar just to show her where I hang out with friends. She was quiet persistent to check out that place so I finally got her there. Suddenly my best friend during those days calls up [We shall name his Mr A]. I told him that I was on my way with my Girlfriend. I did mention to him that I was dating. Apparently, she didn't want anyone to know that she's actually dating a senior from college. So i just had to tell Mr A about it since we are like bros at that time. That was the 1st time my Girlfriend and Mr A met.

The three of us had a short conversation for a while and then I her off to her place. Later that day Mr A says he found her - 'the sticky type' since he observed that she just couldn't take her hands of from me. I shrugged off with a faint smile and at that point. I was comfortable with a bit of PDA. Few days later my Girlfriend and I couldn't meet up because of the monsoons plus college had also resumed. I didn't tell anyone except Mr A about our relationship. One evening I called her and she kept telling me to be more open about our relationship, and whatever was there on my mind, she wanted to know that she is an open minded person and we need to communicate more often and be more frank... (Somehow I didn't think about this too much and thought of it as a very naive person....)

Well, I did...

I told her that I have crush on this one dame from college. I didn't think twice before telling this to her. In my mind, this sort of question made me think that this would increase our level of communication with each other and I expected same kind of communication from her.  Couple of days past and I didn't meet her presuming she was utterly annoyed. One evening I told Mr A that I'm gonna meet this dame from college who also started off like an online friend and shes new to college so I just wanted to a be a known person than an unknown stranger. Few minutes later, by the time I was telling him all this, his  phone rings and tells me that it's my Girlfriend calling him. I was like wondering why is my Girlfriend calling Mr A? At 1st I thought that maybe something is wrong with my phone and I checked 3-4 times whether everything is working fine. He then tells me that this is like the 6th time she's calling him in the past couple of days.


I really didn't expect this from my Girlfriend. I questioned Mr A, as asked him "When did you guys exchange Numbers?" He told me that this happened online. I was really upset and then I requested Mr A to ask her out. Mr A wasn't sure and told me that it was gonna be a bad idea. He was totally right and he wasn't sure what I was actually thinking. We devised plan, I told him to meet me at EAT and told him to ask me my girlfriend to come. My plan was to be there with this other dame.  I realized much later that I made a mistake over there of not telling my girlfriend about this other dame. This plan with the other dame was made on the same day when Mr A told me about my girlfriend calling him. You can't clap with just one hand so i told him to execute this plan.

The next day I was with this dame at EAT. In my mind, I was thinking that my so-called girlfriend isn't going to show up. Few minutes later, they come in and Mr A is with my girlfriend.  Mr A and GF came in to eat and I acted all surprised when they entered the place. To be honest, for the 1st time I saw her put on an eyeliner and lip gloss - she looked very attractive. I was kind of jealous and I wasn't comfortable around her so I shifted my mindset to the other dame. She never did this when we went on dates. It surprised me We had a quiet conversation but I was really irritated and I just couldn't think about her actions. At least tell me that your calling Mr A and you have exchanged numbers. She was the one to indicate a more 'open communication' between us.  She didn't even tell me all this. I felt really bad and a bit heartbroken. After that I dropped the other dame to her place as she was getting late. I went back home and I was expecting 'a call'. I didn't receive any. My mind wanted some space alone, and I started playing my guitar, listening to some not-so-happy songs. I couldn't explain this... But I felt 'Betrayed'.

The next day and Mr A calls me and says he wanted to speak to me urgently. I wasn't very sure about  since i thought he wrote some new poem (He was quiet poetic, and some of his poem were really interesting). I met him and he told me what happened later after Me and the other dame left from "EAT".

They got intimate with each other at his place. This made me really furious. I felt like kicking Mr A and I felt like hurling abuses at her but somehow I kept myself cool and ignored the fact that my so called girlfriend "made out" with Mr A. This drew me into a state of depression and I found myself further drowning into this endless sea.

I was Lost, I felt Lost... for weeks.

Not only was I psyched but i just didn't want to talk to anyone. I shit myself away from others. Furthermore she told Mr A not to tell me about this incident. Few hours later I called her up and I asked her whether this is true? She cried over the phone and on top of that she said "it happened all suddenly, and When you can go out with a gal then even i can go out with a guy"  

But Bitch !!!!...

At least I don't get intimate with someone's friend when I'm in a relationship. That's cheating right?
Anyways, I have this stupid habit of forgiving people and accepting that what happened has happened. We continued our relationship for another couple of days. The last day of our relationship was the most amazing and best day I ever had been with her. She came over to my place I told her that - It just isn't working out between us but if we break up we would still remain friends. Well in simple terms that was the best day I ever spent time with her. Few minutes go past and she tells me this,  I LOVE U. This was her first mistake. I was quiet surprised since we never said the three words to each other. Our relationship lasted for 22 days, but this wasn't a relationship, it was 'Dating' and I still remember the last day - It was the most memorable.

Idiocy was that both of us wanted to get back together after our break-up but somehow we both weren't sure. She wanted us to get back. I refused. It was not a good idea since we would running the same circle. Few more days passed by and then one day she calls me up and talks to me in a very different tone and attitude. I asked her, "Where are you?". She tells me she's with her "boyfriend".

I wanted to be relieved but I wasn't. I don't know why I couldn't be happy about. Maybe it was the fact that she moved on and started dating again. I felt all annoyed just to think about it. I still figuring out this emotional dilemma. Nowadays when I meet her in college, it would just be Hi or Bye behavior. The most infuriating fact is that that one day she wanted help in one of her projects and I agreed. So I picked her up early morning around 6am from her place. She wanted to do some modifications in her project and while doing her project shes like chitchatting with her bf on phone while her ex-bf(me) is helping her out for her project.  

That was the 1st time time I met her current boyfriend.

She still in contact with me but we hardly speak to each other, the reason I stopped speaking to her was because i went through a lot with her  and at that adolescent age, I was just trying to forget her and want to come out of this naive young illusion of me wanting to get back to her. The good part here is that sometimes I still remember the songs I sang to her and the times we spent together because during that time she was the only gal who had shown that much affection to than any other Gal i had ever dated.

(Somehow... this was a past unforgettable)

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