Ambition

From the day I was born till the time I completed my Degree, my parents always acknowledged me to choose my own career. A career that will make me happy. A career that will benefit my future. A future that my parents wish I be happy in. Somehow a career is driven by Ambition. An Ambition which has been my life's biggest mystery.

During my early school days, I remember my report cards started off with Grades like A+ and A's and which gradually became B's, C's and D's during my teenage life... I realized I am just an 'Average Joe'. My grades were falling and my future - an unfinished jigsaw puzzle. One day, a teacher asked the students of my class one question - What's your Ambition? My classmates wanted to become  Doctors, Engineers, Astronauts, Cricketers, Teachers, Biologists, Artists, Dancers, Singers but when it was my turn to answer, I looked at my teacher and I said 'I don't know!'. My classmates laughed it off and the teacher was reluctant to get an Answer from me. It was an embarrassing moment.

Over the years, my interests kept varying. At one point I wasn't good at Mathematics, but I got better with Geography. I wasn't doing well in Chemistry but I scored well in Biology, I was good at Arts but I couldn't understand Crafts. I played a lot of Sports too... Cricket, Football, Badminton, Athletics, Table Tennis and yet I wasn't that 'Outstanding' student.

Perhaps there is no Ambition...

Over the years, I tested the waters in different skill sets, went through a career counseling and even career aptitude tests. The aptitude tests were bogus. I wonder why students give these kinds of test? I wouldn't recommend such tests. In my aptitude tests I was shown the career to Microbiology and Engineering but this is not where my future lies. I wasn't sure if I wanted to become a Doctor though I was good with Biology, I wasn't sure I wanted to become a sportsman even though I was good with sports. I wasn't sure if I wanted to become a mechanical engineer even though I wasn't good at Physics but still I was shown these paths through these tests.  I wasn't sure of my future.

Apparently, there was one field which got a lot of 'Unsure' students to join and that was Advertising. I am from Advertising but it's not like I excel in this field. I have some skill sets which can be used everywhere. I wanted to become a graphic designer, so I learned few designing softwares. I also learned MS Office applications, Sound Editing and understood the basics. Somehow learning these softwares still helps me in my career. But I couldn't excel in them thoroughly. To become a master in something you require that 'Drive', that Determination and Desire to be good what you do.  Somehow... I still wasn't sure of my future.

After six years into my career, I've become a Jack of All trades and a King of Nothing. There's still no ambition, but I feel that I am still good at something. What is that something? Why is it that I am  born without ambition? Why do I lack this 'drive'?  What is it that I would excel in and become 'Outstanding' at? Perhaps the answer to all these question involves Time. It a curse now knowing the answers. It makes you question the very existence of Life. Can people survive without Ambition? Can you be really happy in life not knowing what you want to grow up to be? I really envy such ambitious people. Maybe one day I will be sure... 

That my Ambition in Life is to be...