Love, Friendship and Money...

I just can't seem to understand Love, Friendship and Money...

The problem is the co existence with these 3 things...

Some people just become friends with another person just because he/she has money.
Some people become friends just because he/she has good contacts with gals/guys or some hot chicks or some handsome men.

Friendship is sometimes really funny n annoying at the same time..
You are spending time with friends/close friends but at the same time devoting equal time with people who just spend hardcore cash or have gals roaming around their tails.

Is this the real meaning of friendship?

Just because a person has money in their pockets, just because a person is of some use in the future, can this person ever become a close friend of yours?

Then why hang around or devote your entire time with this person? Is money that important?
But actually every person would want to hang out with a rich person or a person who Party's all the time n spends his cash without any hesitation. I would also do the same thing but I wouldn't just spend cash on few one or 2 people rather I would party harder than this person with many more other close friends of mine just to show off my POWER.

Friends sometimes cannot help you in certain situations but Money can?

So am I rating Money over friendship ?

Well let's check out another situation..

Money attracts Attention.

Not everyone is born n fed with a silver spoon in their mouth. People slog of their asses just to earn a thing called Money. Money for me has never been very important. But certain situations, circumstances, events has made money so fucking important, its really hard to let go of it that easily.

If I had earned money & wanted to spend the entire hard earned cash, I wouldn't just spend it with one or 2 people rather spend it with people whom I hang out with all the time, like people whom I've shared my happiest moments with, or people whom I know for a longer period of time.


Money attracts Women too. I've seen money can revolve women in any direction. It's like you would see more number of cats in a fish market than dogs. Some women say money isn't that important and other bullshit. But all that glitters is gold in the mind of a women, in order to buy that gold.... we require money isn't it ?

I'm sure if I had hardcore cash, Women would easily be roaming around me not thinking of how I look or How fat my tummy is ?

Thus Money Attracts Attention.

Love....

Basically Love sucks !

I can't seem to date any gal. Why?

Because I don't have the fucking money for a date. I just can't go dutch all the time. If I'm asking a gal out for the nth time, There comes a point when asking a gal out, (its kinda like this stupid chivalry) where the guy pays for everything. Can't blame chivalry but its Human Nature I guess.

But You know what? If I had money, No matter how bad I looked....Women would be asking me for dates. *sighs*

So when you don't have the fucking money don't try to ask a gal out on a date. It would make you look stupid and annoy you most of the times !


The point what I'm trying to make over here is that...

For me looking at this selfish heartless worthless World....the most important thing after getting over with your teenage hood is earn MONEY.

Money is absolute Power. Money makes the world go around. Money attracts Attention. Money is life.

I hate to admit Money is everything and how it's defined as the supreme divine power but this is a world where this thing called money makes the world go around and it's people also.

I really don't know who came up with "Money isn't everything", it's a fucking crap....I think that person is GOD.


So basically Money tops friendship n Love in my case......

Kill Me...Love Me

Kill Me for my pride,
Wanted to touch the endless skies,
Kept on flying high,
Realized my wings were just wax,
Melted as I reached the Heat,
Kept falling like Icarus,
Kept falling like Lucifer,
But never seemed to reach the Earth....

Kill Me for my lust,
A woman once said,
You treat a woman like rust,
With this I Lost all the her trust,
Welcome my 20s,
Never became serious,
Never knew what love is,
Fear of losing love,
Fear of Never having love,
As the Only thing in my mind was lust...

Kill me for my Envy,
Never had this,
Never had that,
Seeing the happiness of others,
Seeing the joys of others,
So annoyed can I be,
Rip off my eyes,
Sew them with the barbwire,
Let them bleed till every crimson vein cries,
Becoming a blind soul in the midst of envy dies....

Kill me for this Wrath,
Always Felt this immense pain,
To kill a soul,
Which Dried me Insane,
Sticks n Stones may break my bones,
My wrath shall break my very soul,
Hate,Anger, Rage felt for this Soul,
Revenge is my only goal,
But Kill me since I'm a heartless Soul...

Kill me for this Sloth,
Over the years,
Became quiet Slow,
Sharp person was I,
Had a goal,
Never knew what it was now,
Never had an even mind,
Most of was with filled with Sadness,
Depressed all the time,
Writing this stupid poem with sadness and despair,
Finding peace,
Can never be fulfilled in this Life...

Kill me for this Greed,
Never Stopped Asking for more,
As a child,
Or as an Adult,
Never Stopped asking for more,
Money Money Money,
Just like a Bee who needs to make Honey,
Until the big black bear comes to get that Liquid Gold,
Kill me for this greed,
So that i can ask for no more....

Kill me for this Gluttony,
Hog like a pig,
Hog like a bastard,
Hunger go wild,
Eat my Soul you Son of Bitch,
Consume this worthless Soul,
Devour this piece of Garbage,
Like a Fly,
Keep annoying this Sad Soul,
Kill this Soul with Your endless hunger,

Kill me Lucifer for my Pride,
Kill me Asmodeus for my Lust,
Kill me Leviathan for my Envy,
Kill me Amon for my Wrath,
Kill me Belphegor for my Sloth,
Kill me Mammon for my Greed,
Kill me Beelzebub for my Gluttony....

Kill me Demons of Hell,
Take this Soul as a gift,
Keep this soul as a souvenir,
Laugh at it,
Slaughter it,
Butcher it,
Have a royal Carnage out of it,
But before you take this reward,
Confessions is all I ask for,
One day,
Would Confess everything,
And tell that one soul,
I can Sell my soul to the Devil,
Just to get You,
My Sweet Angel,

Keeping you under my shadows,
Hiding your White Silver Wings,
From demons of the earth,
Nobody to know,
An Angel with me all the time,

Tell you once,
Before I die,
Love you so much,
Cant explain How much,
Happiness you shall find,
Laughter all the time,
With me around,
I shall Love you all the time,

Walk with me in the hardest time,
Understand me in the toughest time,
I can't seem to live without you,
Can't seem to forget you,
You're body's like wonderland,
Endless Fantasies,
Never coming out of reality,
That's why your so precious to me,
I would always love you,
Only you all the time,
My Sweet Angel....

Lust is My Deadliest Sin !

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	High
Pride:	Medium

Discover Your Sins - Click Here


Lust (or lechery) is an inordinate craving for coitus often to the point of assuming a self-indulgent, and sometimes violent character. Lust, or an immoderate desire for the flesh of another (outside of matrimony), is considered a sin, or impure act. Lust can also refer to a consistent sexual desire for another person without harbouring any romantic feelings for them.


One of the most powerful sins, and yes I totally agree that this is 1 of most prominent deadly sin of mine.

Tears from Afterlife

Tears, to see the father bury his own offspring;
Tears, to see the mother cry;
Tears, friends pass by;
No friends stood by;
Tears, foes laugh;
Deep inside tears laugh of misery;
Tears, the rain gods cry;
Tears see their hero pass away;
Ashes rise, tears dry
Simply to see the tears,
Of my Afterlife.

These tears I cry not seen,
These tears too diluted to fall.
These are my tears,
Tears of afterlife.
It exists,
Beyond the walls of good
My afterlife...

Stupid Poem

For the first time I saw you,
Smiling your way with Sadness,
Wanted to tell you something,
Wanted to hold you so tight and never leave you,
Wanted to feel you up like no one ever did,
And I still want to make you mine forever and ever,
There’s so much going through my heart,
My heart wants to you so much,
I want you so much,
I know this doesn’t this is just a poem,
I know this is something you don’t want to read,
But I just have to get it out of these thoughts,
Just want to tell,
My girl for life,
My friend for life,
My partner in crime for life,
My Hope for life,
My guardian angel for life,
My savior for a lifetime,
I just want to make you mine.

I never thought I would want to tell you know so early,
It’s lingering within me,
Just don’t want to keep it inside anymore,
Need to tell you,
How I feel for you,
Just read this once,
And you are mine,
And it’s that I love you,
Didn’t want to come out so cold,
It’s just that I love you,
And that’s the truth,
You are mine,
Be with there with me for the entire time,
And I know that doesn’t rhyme,
But just keep in mind,
You are Mine.

A New Adventure !!

For the 1st time I laid my eyes on her,
I knew she was something different,
With those Hazel eyes,
Found Myself attracted to her,
Thought as it was just another Woman,
But there was Something Special,
For a year I waited,
For a year I kept sitting waiting n wishing...
But when that day came,
Life just blossomed as if Spring had just arrived,
Kept my distance,
But couldn't keep it for long,
Started out as a Chat,
Never seem to end,
Singing the Everyday Love Song seemed useless,
Because this was much greater than Love,
Hey I'm there for you,
Don't push yourself away from me,
The More you do,
The Closer you would find me,
Whatever the World says,
You're Still Beautiful to me,
Share the Happiness,
Share the sadness too,
Never good at giving advice,
But I'm darn good in suggestions,
Keeping Smiling gal,
Don't fake it,
Never Works with me,
We realize that we sailing on the same Boat,
But we sit on different sides,
Facing two different directions,
Whatever it is,
I cant leave you nor would I let you drown....


Noticed a real Life Mario,
Jumping over Shrooms,
Never Knew What he went through,
Life in green,
Seemed quiet Extreme,
Really a jolly guy,
But a very emotional person,
Doesn't Show,
Thats where he Glows,
Makes Everyone Happy,
But my friend are you really Happy ?
Living in solitude,
Green Days are his source of entertainment,
Dancing his Way to Joy,
But gotta admit,
Great Dancer,
Can Dance for hours,
Makes other people dance to his tunes...
A Year passed by,
Still shaking the fries,
Feeling his never ending cries,
Felt his Pain within few minutes,
Loads of ambitions,
Lots of dreams,
So many expectations,
Just Keep Looking up the Sky,
Never Look Down,
Keep Flying,
Don't Stop,
The Sky's an Endless dimension of Serenity...


Bhenchod...
Look Who's bored again....
A great Mind,
A great friend,
Found him Sober,
In all the gober !!!
Living in a different World of reason,
What's the use??
There's No Season....
No sunshine,
No nights,
No Springs,
No autumns,
No rains,
No Winters,
You're Perceptions are flawless,
But poor society seems so clueless,
Insensitivity you show,
Coz you in a world without any Seasons,
First person to ever make me happy,
First person to ever take to me in a tour to his world,
Changed my perceptions,
I still don't understand you...
Maybe I Never will...
But walking by your side always is fun,
Let's never stop,
Let's keep walking in darkness,
Until We say....
Bhenchod I'm Bored !!!

All started out as a simple trip,
Proved to be quiet a journey,
Now the Trip's Over,
Never seems to end,
The Journey's just begun,
Lot's to explore,
Lot's of adventures ahead,
We still have a Long Long Ways to go !!!!!

Sitting, Waiting and Still Wishing....

This isn't a poem but just half sentences.

I wish i could change the past,
I wish i could see the future,
I wish i was happy again,
I wish i stopped crying,
I wish i stop talking to the mirror,
I wish i had a friend,
I wish she knew how much i loved her,
I wish i knew how much i hurt her,
I wish i felt her love,
I wish i knew what love is,
I wish i could kill him,
I wish i never met him,
These wishes can never come true since i already wished of my non existence and that came true.

Dying in Darkness

Within few months, everything's changed.

Parent's are dying, I've separated from my friends actually I have driven away from me. In order to search for some answers, I feel that I need to sacrifice some things, Things which I love and things which remind me of a person I am, its been 20yrs, had lots of changes, heck I don't even remember my past. My past is shredded in darkness and now i feel my future is cloaked in darkness too.

People are born for a reason. May it be a reason to accomplish something in their life, bring about some or the other social, economical or cultural change. Some are born poor who have become legends and are still remembered by people because of his/her accomplishments or the wonderful deeds he/she has done. Some are born to change how people think like philosophers or novelists or even politicians.

My life's nothing like that. I don't know why am i born. Some past of mine has been shredded in darkness, victim of sexual abuse and a victim of ragging. Maybe these instances of my life has taken an impact on my behavior so as to forget my past. The memories do haunt me once in a while though but i never seem to remember em. Ive changed so many homes and kept shifting from one location to another at regular intervals of my life and forgetting everything and locking those past yet precious memories in a little black box right behind my head sealed forever in the mist of sorrow. Friends kept changing, Sadness always bloomed without even knowing and i started getting more crazy which i thought was just a JOKE.
As for my future, that's also in darkness. I cant seem to see myself as person who's living a normal life in the future. I cant see Where do i stand in the future?

Why am I born without any reason?

Ive got no future, then Why am i living? Why should a person live without having any goals or ambition in his/her mind?

An Ambition is like an internal force inside a person that drives him/her to pursue that. But I don't have such an ambition thus not allowing me to see my future.

I've turned 20 last month, people like me must have already planned their future and as for me, I haven't even licked the icing of the cake yet.

Some of my colleagues tell me that they want to live just because they want to earn money and have a happy future ahead.
Well for me money isn't always everything. Is surviving in this world only money? I know money can give u all the luxuries and comfort in the future but i feel money is something which is like a silent killer/drug which slowly eats your soul and then you think that money alone is something which you can survive on. Well this is always been a contradictory statement on MONEY.

For me, I'm living without any reason. Living in darkness, every day feels like I'm Living without any reason, looking at people from my bedroom window, Looking at those souls who keep struggling so much just to survive. Some struggle for happiness, some struggle for money, some struggle for others to survive, I'm just surviving without struggling, such a bad sign....its high time, I want to come out of the darkness, Make a future where I see myself happy and laughing...taunting at those people who have laughed at me at my weaknesses.

Is this my future? Overcome my foes? Succeed them in my own way?

I would work hard not just for money but would rather work for my happiness even if I earn lesser than my parents or my friends, as long as I've got that 1 thing which makes me different from the rest of the people, I don't really care but as for my future I'm really selfish and would look forward for my happiness.

But still,


I would be still be dying in darkness in both the ways.

MONEY = ABSOLUTE POWER ??

To tell u the truth I'm a smoker though I'm not addicted to it but I do need it a day.

Well the place where i go to have my Cig is also a real kool place since Ive made many friends over there esp the owner of the pan n beedi stall.

The topic of my discussion is the Owner.

Well most of my friends come take a packet give their share of money n move along. Sometimes we do take credit for the Cigs. Sometimes whenever we don't have cash we clear the debit after sometime.
But nowadays the amount of Credit has become so much that the owner doesn't have enough money to make up for the expenses for getting extra needed packets.

To tell u the truth i also have around 100 bucks to pay him back. Not only me but some of the other ppl also have more than 500+ bucks to pay him but the prob is tat we give the remaining cash after a long time.
This doesn't give him enough time to pay for his rent n all.
Nowadays whenever i go there i also sometimes increase my account by 3-4 bucks...though i give him the cash back after few days.

But looking at his condition when he sits in his stall i feel really pathetic...i feel bad for myself..i feel that this world is full of tension, there's no way out of it...1 goes away n another comes after it.

The owner has his family to support...has got a real cute daughter whos arnd 6yrs old. But he doesn't show his pain to his family. He himself has started to Fag more than usual.
He pays up for the expenses through his own money which he should spend it for his family.
I think he hardly saves any money in this condition.

Sitting at his place having a Cig whenever there is no customer. Always in a deep trance.

Think hes not the Only guy who into this problem of money!!

There must b 100's of other ppl with the same probz.
I once again wish that if i had Absolute power i would want to solve the worlds prob including The owner not coz i get my cigs from him but as an individual i would want to help him.
t is not becoz i get my cigs frm him its becoz over the yrs hes become a friend to me.

A person who Ive known for more than 3yrs. Sitting in the same place giving the customer want he wants either a pan or a cig.

Sometimes looking at him i feel guilty. I don't know y.

Its like sometimes i feel i should solve my own problems 1st rather than looking into others problems.

BUT THIS PROBLEM IS REGARDING A FRIEND OF MINE, i once again think i need absolute power over here...sometimes i feel MONEY IS THE WAY OF ABSOLUTE POWER.


ITS LIKE MONEY = ABSOLUTE POWER

IS IT??

I Thrive for Absolute Power

There was an incident which happened almost 2 yrs back.I came to know where i stand in the world which is ruled By POWER.

7am - GYM

Getting up early is such a pain....had my daily korn flakes coz im stomach wanted something to eat. Went out gave a ring to Divesh 3 times...finally his mom picked up and said he was sleeping.
I know he will come for the gym coz he told me he will come to the gym morning coz we had a soccer match in the evening.
I went to the gym and had done my extreme workout for my full body and then Divesh shows up after my exercise is over.

So i was with him doing my work out with him.We r really good competitors thought i realize hes got much more power level than me and hes also well built.But still im trying to b in his level.

Another of our soccer mates comes along n tells we got a match in the even at 5pm.We agreed.

CUTTING TO THE CHASE

5pm - THE SOCCER MATCH

A total get together with my soccer mates of my area. The opposite team had beaten our Jr. team last Sunday so we wanted to get them back for the loss.The opposite team were my Goregoan sports club friends since i met them during my 10th vacations.1 of my friends name was Manish who also my friend in my gym and another Vicky who's a good friend of mine.Manish also a well built person. Almost the same body mass as Divesh.

5:15pm - THE MATCH BEGINS

We took the advantage by the 2nd min leading 1 goal to nil.
Then out 2nd goal came in the 5th min.So we had a real good lead though our Original team was playing after 3months together.No 1 has still lost touch.After few min they started to attack and we conceded a goal, so the score was 2-1 ,we were in lead.

5:45pm - HALF TIME

Discussing strategy with team and drinking water....he made a plan to attack since we were hungry for more goals.

5:50pm - SECOND HALF - REALIZATION

As we planned change of goalkeeper which was me went into mid. We got the advantage by making it 3 goals to 1.
meanwhile Nitin comes to the scene chatting with Chandan checking out his new cell.

Divesh had given a slight shoulder push to Manish and he being all ready a short tempered person told him that we was pushed in fact that shoulder push was in purpose.

Anyways Manish calmed down and Divesh took the situation lightly.

6:10pm - POWER AURAS FEELING - - ME????

After scoring 2 more goals in the 2nd half the heat between the 2 became more violent.

Suddenly after another attack by Divesh from the left side, Manish purposely or accidentally(still dunno the reason) gave a shoulder push (that's what he claims to say) to Divesh and he fell.

Divesh got up and started to tell him that hes cheating a it should b given a foul. Meanwhile i was in the defense and had no clue how this happened.

Suddenly after a heated argument Manish pushed Divesh on his chest.
Divesh also i real short tempered person couldn't put his and down and gave another push to Manish.

I came to c whats going on and these guys r like catching each other neck. Me wanting to stop them both - but who??

Another reason for was i could feel their powers within them. Manish had cut open Divesh's left eyebrow. litrally bleeding i stopped Manish and the gym masters stopping Divesh to calm them down.

Suddenly a fear in myself just sprung up. Like i could just position myself whether i wanted to thrash Manish or not...but couldn't coz he was way much stronger than me and plus Divesh was bleeding and really pissed.

Though the Matter is still not solved...

This aint a topic about those 2 friends of mine

This scene made me feel that Though i go to gym to work out but is it for making making a good body...that what i thought at first.

But today's situation made me feel Power and guts is what it takes to stay alive in this world.

I myself tell myself that this world is the SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST but i came on to a different approach to it,

Now I realized THE HUNGER FOR BEING MORE POWERFUL AND STRONG

NOW I WILL TRY TO TAKE A DIFFERENT APPROACH IN MY BELIEF

INCREASE MY POWER LEVEL.INCREASE MY GUTS AND NOT ACT LIKE A COWARD WHICH I DID TODAY.

Today i really felt bad for myself that i could force myself to give a punch to Manish though Divesh got a bloody upper face coz of that cut and scars on his neck.

I felt that i couldn't stand up for my friend.

BUT today only 1 thing was stopping me that was FEAR. I'm still guessing what fear was it.

Now i think that fear was either wanting my friend to get hurt or that fear which made me feel that i was a coward or wan that fear trying to protect me???

NOW I REALIZE I WILL GAIN AT MOST POWER NOT ONLY TO FIGHT BUT TO STAND UP TO A FRIEND OR ANY1 WHO I RESPECT, EVEN IF IT MEANS MY LIFE IS ON THE LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!