Co-u-sins

 

This post made me think a lot about a relationship between individuals especially the ones that are between you and your siblings. Unfortunately I've never had a sibling. Due to this absence of relationship, I can only talk about my few experiences to understand this profound relationship. Over the years, before even meeting and spending time with my cousins I have come across friends and their cousins. 

In a sibling relationship, there are certain boundaries that need to be protected. It can be set on various levels of commitments. For e.g. It's quiet common that siblings fight, siblings do not share their secrets with each other except in certain situations and sometimes siblings cannot be comfortable around hanging out with each other, Siblings also look out for each other, there is a strong sense of protectiveness, siblings can even turn against each other... the dynamic of such a relationship is something that I cannot fully understand and I do lack this sort of experience, so I will not talk about this further.

But when it comes down to the relationship between cousins, it's the most profound of types and gives you the easy-to-gel-with sort of alliance. According to me the word "Cousins" can be broken down into three parts.

'Co' which stands for Common
'U' which is short for Union and 'Sins' that explains by itself.

So how did I come to this conclusion?

Well it's experience and being observant. My friends' cousins are so like each other, they share everything with each other, at times even drink from the same glass, have the same likes and dislikes and the synergy of thoughts is completely in sync with each other. Also there are times when you can actually hear what the other person is thinking... this may not always be true but the one thing that bonds them together are their 'Sins'.  In this alliance between cousins - Sins are actually not an immoral act, a bad something but a common behavior that only cousins can find comfort and set the tone of understanding with each other. Somehow I have seen and experienced this all the time...
For e.g. One of my best friend loves to cook food and luckily he found himself a cousin very early in his life who shares the same 'Sin'. Apparently... In my case, I have a cousin who loves biking... well so do I! I have a cousin who loves gaming and so do I. Even though these may not seem like Sins there are somethings which are well understood unexplained especially over here. My cousins if you're reading this, I feel that you would understand where I am getting at and the other sins that we share...

That's the most intriguing part of this relationship. Most of the cousins share one or more sins with each other and it is because of this common union of sins makes this relationship so ardent. Hence it becomes Common-Union-Sins. 

In short - Cousins!

Ambition

From the day I was born till the time I completed my Degree, my parents always acknowledged me to choose my own career. A career that will make me happy. A career that will benefit my future. A future that my parents wish I be happy in. Somehow a career is driven by Ambition. An Ambition which has been my life's biggest mystery.

During my early school days, I remember my report cards started off with Grades like A+ and A's and which gradually became B's, C's and D's during my teenage life... I realized I am just an 'Average Joe'. My grades were falling and my future - an unfinished jigsaw puzzle. One day, a teacher asked the students of my class one question - What's your Ambition? My classmates wanted to become  Doctors, Engineers, Astronauts, Cricketers, Teachers, Biologists, Artists, Dancers, Singers but when it was my turn to answer, I looked at my teacher and I said 'I don't know!'. My classmates laughed it off and the teacher was reluctant to get an Answer from me. It was an embarrassing moment.

Over the years, my interests kept varying. At one point I wasn't good at Mathematics, but I got better with Geography. I wasn't doing well in Chemistry but I scored well in Biology, I was good at Arts but I couldn't understand Crafts. I played a lot of Sports too... Cricket, Football, Badminton, Athletics, Table Tennis and yet I wasn't that 'Outstanding' student.

Perhaps there is no Ambition...

Over the years, I tested the waters in different skill sets, went through a career counseling and even career aptitude tests. The aptitude tests were bogus. I wonder why students give these kinds of test? I wouldn't recommend such tests. In my aptitude tests I was shown the career to Microbiology and Engineering but this is not where my future lies. I wasn't sure if I wanted to become a Doctor though I was good with Biology, I wasn't sure I wanted to become a sportsman even though I was good with sports. I wasn't sure if I wanted to become a mechanical engineer even though I wasn't good at Physics but still I was shown these paths through these tests.  I wasn't sure of my future.

Apparently, there was one field which got a lot of 'Unsure' students to join and that was Advertising. I am from Advertising but it's not like I excel in this field. I have some skill sets which can be used everywhere. I wanted to become a graphic designer, so I learned few designing softwares. I also learned MS Office applications, Sound Editing and understood the basics. Somehow learning these softwares still helps me in my career. But I couldn't excel in them thoroughly. To become a master in something you require that 'Drive', that Determination and Desire to be good what you do.  Somehow... I still wasn't sure of my future.

After six years into my career, I've become a Jack of All trades and a King of Nothing. There's still no ambition, but I feel that I am still good at something. What is that something? Why is it that I am  born without ambition? Why do I lack this 'drive'?  What is it that I would excel in and become 'Outstanding' at? Perhaps the answer to all these question involves Time. It a curse now knowing the answers. It makes you question the very existence of Life. Can people survive without Ambition? Can you be really happy in life not knowing what you want to grow up to be? I really envy such ambitious people. Maybe one day I will be sure... 

That my Ambition in Life is to be... 

Blocked

I was born in the year 1988 in an era where communication was a simple and yet difficult. There was no internet, no e-mail system, no WhatsApp, Facebook, Skype and not even cellular phones. The technology of communication was primitive.

So how did people communicate during these times? How did people keep in touch with each other? What was the method of communication? How long would it take for the other person to respond? 
So many questions... with so many variable answers. 

The modern day of communication is highly dependent on the "Internet' and without this, we would still be living in a Stone Age of Communications. Gone are the days where sending Post Cards was considered 'romantic' (This is still practiced by a very niche audience and it's still considered a true form a communication). Gone are the days where you would need to be at home or workplace to call someone or wait for someone to call you. Gone are the days where someone 'paged' you to call them back. Gone are the days where writing an urgent letter to someone situated in the other side of the world would take days to reach them and who knows... by the time it reaches them, time would have already taken its natural course. With such difficulties, communication was still strong and people found sanity in such dark times.

Our patience in communication was tested.

As we grow older, we tend to migrate away from home. It's quiet common for teenagers and young adults to explore. There are plenty of reasons revolving around this. It can be for education, travel, work, vacation, nirvana, in search for love... But somehow your heart is still bonded to - a place with family, your wife and kids, friends and a place which you call - Home. Staying connected with loved ones was challenging and yet considered to be at it's purest during these times.

 "Home is where the heart is."

Coming back to the 21st century, communicating with people has been easy. One of giants of communication and communication technology has been Facebook. Taking over Orkut in the early 2000s, this started off as a college project by couple of wasted and lazy teenagers and over the past decade has become an global internet giant. It served as a modern and fast-tracked platform of communication, business and news. With Facebook also came WhatsApp. A simple instant messaging application. Somehow, it got hold of the emotional and physical comfort of being in touch with your loved ones, it helped the people at their weakest and provided support when you needed the most. Through Facebook we can call someone anywhere in the world, chat to your loved ones, video call someone whom you wish to see dearly, get instant replies, share pictures, upload videos, connect with friends easily, spread awareness quickly, emergencies are swiftly dealt with, observe the world from just a screen, get to know what the world around you is up to, etc. Over a decade of evolution, Facebook and other social media giants have got so many mediums to stay connected.

I am lucky to be born in this era. I really am. Communicating with family, with my Girlfriend, with friends, reading reviews, watching movies, listening to online music, video calling, chatting, etc. it feels so positive.  I use Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, LinkedIn almost everyday. There's not a day that goes by when I haven't used these social medias. All thanks to Wi-fi and Internet Connection! It feels great that I am always connected with loved ones... I can chat with them, share photos, forward a joke I just read, ask for advice, get to see how they're doing, know what they are up to. It feels that "Home" is with you where ever you go.

Somehow with all positive aspects of communication comes the a button to produce negative effects. The easiness of communication brings forth so many challenges and somehow we become quiet dependent with this. We have built something like a command button to just throw away people from your life. With just a click of the button you or someone or even someone close to you can be 'deleted' from someone's profile. The can be applied to any social networking site and application. I am not going to touch upon the professional reasons for this act. Instead let's focus on a more personal level. It has been abused quiet often yet unintentionally. We can now block the people whom you love OR used to love, we can get blocked for unknown reasons, people can block you for their own protection, for spamming you, or stalking you, can get or be blocked for the sense of control etc. I read somewhere that there are two primary psychological thoughts for Blocking. One is pragmatic (protecting self from stronger people), and the other is performative (carrying out a symbolic act to feel strong). I would also term this button as simply saying - "I Hate You". Furthermore the other reasons, the common ones to get blocked are - 

1. Ending a Relationship
2. Inappropriate Language
3. Spamming
4. Harassment
5. Stalking
6. Inappropriate Photos
7. Vanity
8. Drama
9. Religion
10. Politics

Relationships are fragile. It takes years to develop a certain bond with someone but it takes minutes to destroy it. The same goes for respect and trust. With such variables in communication also develops a sense of arrogance to one's nature. It is quiet arrogant on someone's part to assume they need to justify their reason to you for taking the extra step. They should also have no obligation to do this but still by being insistent, that there is an obligation would explain this particular case and why they felt the need to Block you. In other words and very simply said, if there's no explanation to why someone would block you makes me question my integrity. The Block Command is a privilege given to you and it is not meant to be abused every time you end up in a fight or breaking the hard earned respect and trust you develop over time with someone, or a mistake which could have been communicated or spoken about like adults. How can one button cause so much stress? 

Such cracks in the system of communication become bigger over time and it takes a lot time to fix them. The bigger the problem, the harder the solution also. I feel this world of communication has become so pseudo-materialistic that we are going out of control with our emotions being splashed all over these social networking sites. Commands like 'Like', 'Share', Emoticons, Emojis, Block, Unfriend, have taken away human emotions and transformed them into a computer graphical representation of human nature. Our very existence is converted into binary data and we are very close to become artificial intelligence. The above mentioned commands have taken away and dismantled the very fabric of our human nature into a button and icon. We forget communication - how it was?, How much of a struggle would it have been not knowing what the other person was up to, how expensive it would have been to just send a letter across seas, how difficult it would have been to buy a post stamp, and how luxurious it would have been to click a photo through a Camera Obscura or a Kodak. You just wouldn't know how much you can miss a person or people whom you love so dearly and wholeheartedly - each and everyday, how many times that person comes into your mind, and how many memories are floating inside your head. Such emotions can be explained by simple communication and not make all of it so complicated by this. Can all of this be explained and be understood through just one button/icon?  

In today's world, communication is quick, being in touch with someone close to you through technology brings happiness, staying in touch is easy... But are we really truly connected?


Our patience in communication is declining.

The so called 'Gulf Life'

I've been in the Gulf for major part of my life. My parents, especially my Father in his mid 20s, started working in Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, U.A.E and later on in Oman. During the 80s, life in the Middle East was filled with massive opportunities. There was huge scope for business in this region. Plenty of Indians, Asians and Europeans started their careers here. The market was growing rapidly and the Gulf was getting richer which continued even till the 2000s.The Gulf is and has been a 'Booming' market.

I lived in Muscat during the 90s till almost a decade. Only a couple of years old, one wouldn't remember much about that life. Growing up through your preteens, I came across making friends in school, around my home areas and building extended families by celebrating togetherness. Every weekend was an evening of laughter, happiness and fun, exploring new beaches, surfing the sand dunes and the long drives. It may have not been every weekend but it sure felt like that. As a child, I really enjoyed staying in Muscat - Oman's capital city. It's the Caribbean of the Middle East. Muscat and Mumbai share quiet almost the same attributes geographically and environmentally. Beaches on all sides, mountains towards the northern region, humid coastal weather and the Arabian Desert on the other. 

I couldn't see the struggles of the work environment and isn't that obvious? As a child, in that age, I was happy inside this box and it didn't feel small. I didn't understand the dynamics of such an environment and I had no idea how life existed outside this box. My Father gave me a happy beginning to the so called 'Gulf Life' and to that I would always be grateful. Some lessons are best learned through time... Never had my parents shown me the struggles of this so called 'Gulf Life' society. After living in Muscat for almost a decade my life transformed. My teenage life had to be eventually spent in Mumbai. Rebuilding a new life mentally and emotionally was always going to be a struggle. This struggle was inevitable. Making new friends again, meeting new people again, going to a new school, wearing a tie for the first time, the humidity, the monsoons, traveling on public transport, learning a new language, everything changed and it was quite contrasting from the Muscat environment. I really wanted to go back to Muscat and at times, I was so frustrated that I gave my parents really a hard time and complain of my inability to adapt. I didn't quiet understand why the shift happened or what was the point of all this and why at this point in time of my life had to change where everything seemed so good and quickly taken all this away from me. I realized this after few many years later, that I was being selfish, inconsiderate and stubborn in every way. The transition was quick but the adaptability was slow.

Somehow it was better... for my sake.

As an adult, working here in Qatar... I can imagine how my Father survived. Each and every day, staying away from family, exploring the unknown, understanding a new culture, it's mentally stressful, emotionally - a struggle and physically challenging. Once you experience the true nature of the environment you will know how it feels. I had to experience this, I wanted to know what changed, why the transition? Why was everything taken away from me? These unanswered questions that I asked my parents were answered... Over time and with experience. That's the so called Gulf Life. It's a life that makes you think not just once or twice but keeps repeating the question to oneself time and again of what you thought as a child, what kind of fairy tale imagination I was under and as we grow older, we get wiser and become more realistic. What I had in the mind as young child is not the same of what I think as an adult. Even though I started off my career a bit later compared to my Father, somehow our personalities and attitude towards life, love, business, career, education differed. Was it because of change in environments? Was it because of external factors or was I too naive to the change. He's blessed with an aggressive attitude and I've been cursed with a sensitive personality. Our dynamics are profoundly uncanny and if I were to compare it with a simple marketing analysis then it would be like his strengths are my threats and his weaknesses are my opportunities. A generation has passed from the gulf and yet 'The Gulf Life' still remains by enlarge almost the same. People all over the world keep coming to this region, not just for financial reasons but it's also for one's future stability. Back in Mumbai, people still believe this a land of opportunities, a land that will benefit them for their future and create a sense of stability in all aspects. But then again, some people still come to their homeland and allow another set of generation to take this test of life... the so called 'Gulf Life'.

Somehow it's fate?

Games and Imagination (Part 2)

In my mind:

[What a party! After such a long time... spending time with Family, meeting new people, dancing freely, singing bollywood songs, drinking with joy... last night was an amazing experience. Why can't every night be this way? Why can't I have this experience everyday? Well, if it's always that way, then it'll loose its flavor and eventually I'll get bored of it... But I hope every weekend begins like that or at least some part of it...]

9:00 am - Oh boy, What a hangover, My head hurts like crazy... but I gotta wake up... I've gotta do my shores, make some breakfast, clean my room, change the bed sheets... Urgh So many pending things... I don't have any ironed clothes for the coming week, gotta start ironing as soon as possible so that I can get to playing Final Fantasy XV. Today's the day for the New Timed Quest! I wonder which beast I gotta beat, how strong is the boss? How many points will get by playing this quest? Will I get some deadly weapon? Damn... I'm so excited! Gotta finish ironing first... but before that... It's bath time! 

10:30 am - Hmm... Breakfast... first meal of the day... just like Final Fantasy, before starting a new quest, you gotta get energized and stay revitalized. But the hangover still there, but not as much... No wonder they say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It gets rid of the hangover... and now that breakfast is over I'll start playing Final Fantasy... I gotta complete this game and I just can't wait to explore this huge open world. Oh wait... I gotta iron my clothes, clean my room, change my bed sheets... Argh!! So many things still pending.

12:00 pm - Finally, I've sparkled my room, looks new and fresh! The scented candles really helped, the new bed sheets feel so soft and now I feel like dozing off... But I don't want to! I wanna play Final Fantasy... I wanna get my character stronger and explore the world further. I read earlier about this secret dungeon and I'm curious about what I'll find. Before I can do that I need to iron my formals! Oh man time's running to so fast...

1:30 pm - Is it Lunch time already? I'm hungry now and I still haven't even started playing the game?! I think I'll just skip lunch. What the hell man?! My colleagues are here... asking me to join them for a drink. What do I say? 

5:00 pm - Well, this feels good, sitting with colleagues, listening to music. I just love listening to the classics and that's how we enjoy the evening. You just wanna listen to your favorite track. Music is an experience that makes you forget everything else and helps you relax. When you listen to your favorite music, the mind just adapts it as a part of the lyrics and you get to experience each and every beat. Your heart sings to the music, you mind experiences the the beats and this brings a sense of euphoria to oneself. Still,  I really wanna play my game. I wanna play Final Fantasy but I'm so high and I cannot figure out the buttons of my controller. I think I'll just doze off for a while but till I wanna play.  I'm so curious and eager to explore this fantasy world. To my my character and his comrades stronger and better. So many things in the way, it's such an annoyance. 

9:30 pm - Finally! I'm alone. I can start playing final fantasy. But now I'm hungry. I'll just order for something now... anyways till then I'll start with the game. 

It begins...

After all the patience, after all the hurdles and after all the drama, a gamer finally gets time to play what he/she wants. Games nowadays are massive, it involves a lot of data, it provides you with a lot of opportunities and there are so many things that you can explore. You enter a world where time just skips, and by the time you see a clock, it's already past midnight and then you realize that you've got work the next day. Somehow I choose to ignore the clock...

I enter a world where my imagination becomes my reality. I may be sitting in one place for hours and seem like not doing much, but my mind working continuously with the game and is part of that game. This is where I think of what's called a Matrix. Once you enter this world, it seems inevitable to get up, think anything beyond that because it's massive as i mentioned earlier.

How can I get lost into One Game?

I really don't know the exact answer to this but more or less it's the gaming experience that gets the gamer lost inside a game. I think its the same kind of experience when you feel when you listen to music. It's not just one or two music or tracks that you get lost into but instead there are many. Games like Final Fantasy is a collection of your favorite music, the more you explore and experience, it controls your world of imagination and decreases the space between real and unreal. Gaming is an experience, you cannot express through words... One has to play the game and feel it.  

Games of Imagination (Part 1)

Imagination is a child's most innocent behavior. During that imagination, every thought, every behavior, every action has a story of excitement which is indeed 'Oscar Winning'. Fighting imaginary dragons, climbing up tall mountains, playing a cop, driving a super-fast car or navigating a warship... being a kid was fun.

As a child, I was quiet energetic and a bit of a rebel. I loved watching cartoons and action movies and in the 90s it was all about Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Van Damme. Their movies were so awesome! They will always be 'Legends'. I imagined myself acting as John Connor and the Terminator coming to rescue me from that shiny, shape changing Metal Man (the teacher). One day, while going to class I was day dreaming about this and then when I reach the classroom I tell my Teacher, "I'll be back". She gave me that death stare, picked up the wooden scale and yelled at me to come forward in front of the entire class and open the palm of my hands. (You know what comes next...)

Sometimes an imagination would just be a mix of few movies and cartoons. I used to imagine being a Karate Kid with superpowers or a Power Ranger! I loved the Power Rangers, their kick ass stunts, turning into huge machine dinosaurs, beating evil mutants, jumping here and there, doing a cart-wheel on the middle of the road... it was so childish! Plus it wasn't just me who imagined being Power Ranger, even my friends did. We were a group of tiny Power Rangers re-imagining the episodes we watched on TV.

While growing up, I came across many imaginary friends, some with special powers, some an alter-ego, some just to blame at, some crazy adventures with oneself... but as we grew older, our imagination became less imaginative and we started dreaming about something more realistic. Thus began the shift from Fairy Tale imagination to a more Realistic imagination.

Welcome to the World of Gaming...

So... Why do Guys love their games so much? How can one individual get themselves involved for so many hours staring at a screen and get so lost in this fantasy world?

I've come across a handful of women who ask me these questions whenever I get engrossed with video games. Some of them are...

How come you guys forget that you have a girlfriend?
How and Why is your game so important than me?
What so good about this game?
Why don't you just get up and help me in the Kitchen?
Will you pause and look at me? I'm talking to you! 

For the last question, I've read somewhere that when a guy pauses his video game for a gal... Marry him!

Women find it difficult to understand, the basic emotions when a guy plays his video game, how much it means to him, how much of a struggle he has to overcome to achieve a goal, a task/puzzle that needs to be strategically completed, be victorious when you face a boss battle and what kinda of craze he has gone through to become a strong character inside the game. Well the struggle is real... (Virtually)  

The answers to all these questions are deep rooted and starts at a very young age.

Flashback

During my pre-teen years, My parents gifted me video games and consoles at a very young age, first of them - The Nintendo, followed by Atari (Classic Console Game). These consoles were the beginning of converging the Realistic and Fairy Tale Imaginations. I remember the very first game I played was Super Mario on the Nintendo (Till date, Mario is a world-famous video game character and one of the most famous Japanese Mascots). So why is he so famous? How is he a mix of Realistic and Fairy Tale Imaginations? Well, simply because he's a plumber (a realistic, low paying, dirty job) who has a brother name Luigi and over the years his main goal is to rescue the love of his life (who keeps getting kidnapped) - Princess Peach by various villains like Bowser and Tatanga.  

Another realistic fact here is, Mario is not hunk or a dude or a macho man... he's a fat and short Italian-looking bloke who sacrifices his day-time job as a plumber just to rescue his love - Peach (She loves getting rescued and kidnapped I guess... but still loves Mario) Over the years, the basic goal of the game was - rescue the kidnapped and beat the kidnapper. In this adventure, he has made many friends along the way - Yoshi the cute looking green dragon, Mario can ride on him like a horse... some cool Anti-Heroes like Wario and Warluigi and many more...

These games were simple, easy to learn and competitive. At that age, he was my hero!

Here's a look at some of the most famous characters in the Super Mario Games.

I played Mario when it used look like this -

The latest 2017 game looks like this - The Transformation!

During the Mario-age, few more games peeked my interest. Especially Contra.  

Contra was the first 2-player game that I fell in love with. During my summer and winter school vacations, my parents used to send me to Mumbai where I lived with 'Dida' - My ever-loving Grandmother. Over there, I didn't have a group of friends but instead build friendships with my next door neighbors with Dida's help. Since I loved video gaming so much, she bought me a Nintendo NES. After my home-work (Mom used to fill a book with Math Questions for me to solve and make me practice whenever she's not around... Mathematics was not my strong subjects... It's still isn't);
I went up to my neighbors asking if Chintu and Pooja were there? Pooja was my very first female gamer friend. She was also a Tom-boy. [I'm sure she must have grown up to be beautiful (gamer) gal! :)] We used to sit for hours and play Contra. Time use to just fly, felt like the days were running short and saving a game was inevitable. (During those days, you couldn't save a game and continue later, you had to start from the beginning all over again - Hence the Struggle!)

(Every evening, seeing the below visual screen on the TV with Chintu and Pooja used to just make me so happy!)

 

What is Contra? 

Contra is about two dudes running through various Jungles and Underground Bases, killing different aliens, henchman. collecting some really cool and unique guns and fighting the ever-glorious Boss Battles. With every level, the game got tougher and faster. Another unique feature of the game was that if One of player dies, the 2nd player continues... (Chintu and Pooja were better gamers than me)

How is this a mix of Fairy Tale and Realistic Imagination?

Oh just play the game with a friend!

Somehow, while playing the same sort of video games, it got quiet monotonous with 8-bit, 16-bit graphics and then in one my birthdays, Dad gifted me my first computer with Microsoft Windows 95. I played so many games like, Need for Speed, Monster Truck, Road Rash, Frogger, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, to name a few... the graphics were new and refreshing. Better than the previous gaming consoles I've played. All of these games where quiet non-sensible and with new games coming out every day, my interest kept going fading away because there was so many games and at that time and age, you didn't have YouTube where you can view the game play or read reviews to judge how good the game is... You simply just bought the game without any R and D. There were some games like Need for Speed that helped me understand a bit of driving, road sense and understanding direction signs. It got further interesting when Microsoft introduced controllers and the biggest brand was the Sidewinder.

Below are the controllers that I've used.





This allowed me to play games that ranged from Flight Simulator, Car Racing Games and Arcade Gaming and the feeling of using a unique controller made the gaming experience even more energizing. This was the start of the Next-Generation gaming and the start to a whole new era...

The thrill slowly started to fade away with some games being more like puzzles and GK types. These games were more like a single player games and the other player was the computer.

Few years later and as I entered the troubled teenage life, I still played games but not as much. I still kept dreaming  of become a rebellious sorcerer, a capped crusader, a super saiyan... etc. When I shifted to Mumbai, I came across this superb car-(sort off, b'coz it used to flip over and shoot machine and laser guns)-action game called Rollcage.

 

This game allowed up to 4-players to play on a single-screen. I got all my building friends to come over to my home and play Rollcage. It was awesome and the feeling was amazing! After so many years, I finally found myself playing a video game with friends. My interest in gaming kick-started but this game was developed only for PC during that time.

The problem with PC gaming are the shit-loads of viruses, hard disk crashes, Auto Shut Downs, Buffers and the worst of it was the PC getting "Hanged".  Due to these errors, there came another beauty - The PlayStation which is primarily only for Gaming. I owned a PlayStation One but after few months of playing, my imagination for gaming, my fantasy of living in the virtual world faded and I began adding responsibilities... Basically I just grew older and my teenage life was coming to an end. There wasn't any space for my imagination to go wild, there were upcoming exams, tutorials, college projects, relationships, more friends, exploration possibilities, Internet, movies, TV shows and many more that have side tracked this part of life.


Somehow, the inner child still sleeps...
Lying dormant,
Waiting to wake up
When the time is right and the Game in sight.

Over the years the PlayStation has evolved drastically and now you can play music, connect with friends, watch Netflix, watch movies, join gaming communities, share images, videos, chat and many more! - that's now the PS4

Present Day... to be contd.

Storytelling by an Uncanny Inspiration

Hello Again,

There are some people in life that inspire you to become something, and there are some people in life that help you not become something. These people may stay in your life and may move out completely without saying Goodbye.

Either ways, its still a 'Life Lesson'.

My blogs have been a mirror reflection of my thoughts, some are true, some false and some, just a dream that never existed. A dream which is best remembered to be forgotten.

I started blogging almost a decade back... and most of them are written with just emotions mixed up, thoughts that are scattered like a shattered timepiece. You take one instance, a certain 'Time period' (timepiece), glue it with another time and make a story out of it. I think I've been a good storyteller, most of my stories being fiction and some of them being made through an experience.

When you mix these shattered timepieces you develop something which is profoundly surreal. In my defense, it was a work of fiction. Something that i made up because I am a good Storyteller.

But isn't that how Storytelling works?

In all these storytelling, there comes people who inspire you to write these works of fiction. Either you accept this, or you deny the very existence of inspiration. But you cannot... not by a long-shot.

Inspiration comes in all different forms. It can be people you come across, nature that you feel, a movie you just watched, a song you listened to, a video game you played...

But with all the inspiration, you have to embrace it. And when you do that... It's still incomplete. (to be contd... one day)

Love

If I could have just one wish,  I would wish to wake up everyday  to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my skin, and the feel of your heart beating with mine...   Knowing that I could never find that feeling with anyone other than you.

A lonely paradox

Sitting alone in this dark but energetic place and watching people as they enter an evening of unity. Peers, colleagues, friends, lovers and family, how can one be so alone? Their laughter, jokes, happiness with so many conversations about their lives, surrounded by loneliness, being the black sheep in social gatherings, I wonder what to do? A punishment for an introvert. I wonder what they're talking about, some speaking in English and some in their local language. You only understand their language of expression. You can only listen to the tone of their voices. Three hours of waiting alone, feeling the love around, wish there was some to receive. Hearing their voices overpowering ones thoughts, feeling the vibes one cannot entangle with... An evening of blues without the alcohol, how does one bypass this paradox?

Battle of the Heart and Mind

It's difficult to express thoughts into complete meaningful sentences. The constant battle between the heart and mind is somehow a metaphor that best describes the battle between good and evil. You won't realize which side wants the best of you. On one side, the heart provides an emotional comfort which revolves around to give you a result driven by kindness, anger, happiness and sadness while on the other side the mind is driven by ones intellect, analytical, logic and experience. Between the two, they find a common ground of dispute - Fear.  The heart fears what the mind can do and vice versa. Fear installs the Good and Evil in ones mind and heart.   When ones thoughts are in sync, you can easily communicate with your inner self. But when they're not, thoughts seem to just mix itself into oblivion.

He wasn't worth...

There are many things that I express in this blog and most of the times I blog under a state of depression and anxiety. I really wished that the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind' were true and part of reality. The events in that movie run parallel within my life. If only there could be a way in which I could remove the fondest memories of my life and replace them fake memories, but at the end of the day, memories are just a state of the mind that cannot be controlled.

She was the best and worst thing to him,
The eyes of a seductress,
A touch of eastern beauty,
An angel fallen from heaven,
The most divine,
Worshiping her would only prove fatal,
She's faced a million hurdles, 
And he was just half of her problems.

She will be loved,
She will be hated,
But you just cannot ignore her.
She will drive you crazy,
With her words,
Her hair,
Her sublime presence in this world.
His love for her in a million folds,
Still, he does...

She moved on,
He couldn't,
She wanted more,
And he wasn't good enough..
In times of her toughest days,
He flew all the way, just to support her,
She wanted love,
She wanted comfort,
She wanted someone to be with her,
He couldn't give her much,
He wasn't worth...

He showered her with gifts,
But nothing is enough,
It was invaluable for her,
She wanted more,
She wanted something better,
She wants love,
She wants happiness,
She wanted him,
But he was never there,
He wasn't worth...

He wished things could get better,
She didn't love him anymore,
But he truly loved her,
How can one stop loving someone all of a sudden?

They still talk,
They still chat,
They still message,
But it doesn't feel the same,
She's moved on,
He's still moving on,
He wants her to be happy,
He wants her to keep laughing,
He wants her to stay strong,
Still... He wasn't worth.

If only he could understand, that some memories are better off forgotten.
Because.. It isn't worth it.

Dominoes Season 1 Episode 8

Flashback....

I've never been a very social person, not very talkative and quite moody at times... Actually I wasn't like this at all. As a young lad, I was quiet talkative and hyperactive. Was it the young blood inside me or was it the boost of all the chocolates that drove me hyper?

Umm... One of the cons of having a very bad memory is that you wouldn't remember anything from your past until someone from your past tells you or gives you a subtle hint.

Anyways, I wonder why I've changed and what happened? Somehow I thought it was the switch in cities. After a long time in the city of Muscat, my parents and I shifted base to Mumbai. Was it the environment, new friends... a new home?

I don't know why my subconscious mind underwent with all these changes?

Since the time I've come here, I've always sensed a hint of loneliness from this place. Maybe it was the aura or the pungent stink of garbage that flows here every morning at my house, my new home. But this home, this new city, is one of the best cities one can ever live in!

I've had some great times in this city but also I've had the other half too. I guess every teenager goes through a time of self knowledge in some point of their lives. You learn some, you gain some and you lose some. You might end up choosing the wrong side but you also have a choice to make. You may choose the wrong choice but still end up having another chance of a choice. Wtf is that all about??!?

But what's important is how you lose some. I'm sure no one likes to lose. To lose something or having lost something most valuable might either shatter your heart or it can be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

Simple words from an average person...

Dominoes Season 1

Prologue:

It's been two years since I wrote a blog post. A lots of memories to share, a lot of problems to solve and a lot of memories to think about. From the looks of it you must be thinking that its going to be a long 'emo' post. (Well, Yes! You can't expect me to give you a synopsis of my life that hasn't been easy).

So I've made it easier for you to understand it. Have you seen any American/British Drama Shows? (Yeah, obviously you have!!)

If you have read my earlier posts then you may have a slight idea about me. For those who don't know me I would start by saying, "My name is Domino". I know Domino doesn't sound as an Indian name because its not. My real name is Dominic. I'm just fascinated by the "Domino Effect". So I usually call myself Domino. (oh you don't know what domino effect is?)

"The domino effect is a chain reaction that occurs when a small change causes a similar change nearby, which then causes another similar change, and so on in linear sequence."

And with this, my life's based pretty much over a simple domino effect.

Events of these episodes takes place in a cities of Mumbai and Muscat.

Episode 1

December 2009, after an amazing New Years I got myself working in Social Media. I wondered how people earned money by just sitting on Facebook and Twitter. (Yeah I know! It's the best job in the world right now...!).

Meanwhile my love life wasn't going very well, and I hate to admit this but I was cheating :(

I'm a Social Media addict, I started of with Orkut which was like "The biggest blockbuster of the Internet" and then Facebook just took over Orkut like a steamroller. I was also fascinated about the art & skill of chatting and Internet dating. I was a curious teenager back then and i still am. Social Networking made a weird sense to me. Well as a teen your also curious about Sex. (so if you mix sugar and spice you'll get something really nice right?)

Yes it DID!!!!

One fine day, I randomly added a beautiful gal over Facebook. Her name was Kate. We connected instantly and exchanged phone numbers. It was quite surprising since we were complete strangers before this. I guess, the reason we connected was because she knew me from my school days. Apparently Kate and I were from the same school and she was my junior back then. I could hardly recognize her but with a sharp memory and attention to small details, she could just describe the past easily and what I did in those good old school days.

I love hearing stories from the past (I have a weak memory for the past so.......yeah). 

So we started dating soon and everything was going great... until the Domino Effect was initiated. (argh! i made one bad mistake okay....!!)

Before I go any further I'll tell you something about my College Days.

Episode 2

After Junior College, I pursued Advertising in my Senior College, so I decided to choose Bachelors in Mass Media (BMM) which included to Advertising and Journalism.
(I come from a science background and had no interest pursuing in medicine or engineering).

Advertising seemed a more reasonable and safe choice because I wasn't sure if I made the right choice (It was the best choice I ever made!!!)

In fact, my first year of BMM wasn't very memorable.

In those days I got mixed up with some bad crowd. One of them was Archie. As an adolescent teen you wouldn't know the decisions you make without self-realization. There comes a time in a person's life when you got to choose sides. (Imagine yourself standing between Heaven and Hell.....yeah I picture it like that).

On the first day of my first year Senior College, I see my ex-gf Chloe from Junior College studying in the same class with me. It brought back memories of those days and it was the only relationship in which I just blew my fuse in front of a woman and she almost got herself to a verge of crying.
(Not very proud of it, as I had a bad temper and I really liked her but I had a very good reason for it which I mentioned in my earlier blog posts. Okay!! fine if I'll tell you, she cheated on me with my best friend and she couldn't even tell me that honestly.)

So coming back to that first day in Senior College, I was like surprised. But then I asked myself why's she here? There's a reason for everything and as I thought for a while I came down to a conclusion that I have to apologize for my rude behavior and reconcile.

So I did that. 

I said, "Chloe, I'm really really sorry! I am ashamed of my actions, and I am asking for your forgiveness. I shouldn't have raised my voice at you and it was just rude and loud....." She looked at me with surprise and she forgave me somehow. (I think she curses me from her sleep) :0

Few days later I come to know she's dating my friends best friend - Archie!

We all met together for some drinks and I was kinda surprised that she drank whiskey. (that's what happens in a gap of 3-4 months, things change quicker than expected). So I became friends with these guys and we went together to unexplored cities of Mumbai here n there occasionally.

So moving on further... 

At first, I was in good terms with Archie, but since the time he stole Chloe away from me I really wanted to kick his ass. But all's fair in love and war. (touché buddy touché!)

Archie came from an culturally influenced Hindu family, an animal lover and a profound flirt. (I still dislike him somehow).

I kinda forgave him for what he did (which was behind my back) and he had an evil presence. He carried a bad aura around him. I don't know how I got into the dark side. (yeah Star Wars type, kinda feel like he's Darth Vadar with a dildo as his light saber. Oh why the dildo? It's because he was a horny Johnny).

Archie did teach me a few things here and there, especially exploring the most weirdest and dark places in town. (It was like I visited the alleys of another realm). He taught me and showed me how to be street smart. (I didn't steal from anyone and I'm not a con).

We had some good times together but somehow it all had to come to an end. Just like a Domino effect.

Episode 3

My Senior college class mates were all new to each other they formed small groups affiliations and I felt that I didn't belong to any group. So I chose a group outside my circle. (You know I'm trying to tell you that it ultimately led me to choose the bad crowd because of a small issue which happened 4 years back right?)

I pushed myself away from the Archie and his gang slowly, avoiding their calls, not meeting them, just few b'day messages, Hi's and Festival Wishes.

Over sometime, I found friendship within the BMM guys and gals. I buried the hatchet and closed the past chapters. I guess that's because of this one fat dude called Bob who was a new student in the second year. We used to call him Crazy Bob because he was funny and he had this good spiritual energy around him. He actually brought us together.

We went to resorts, outings, new towns of Mumbai together. Those were good times to remember.(Always will be)

I remember once we staying over after college, the group playing the guitar, there were these college events and I saw this beautiful slim girl with wicked eyebrows and mysterious eyes and I was like WOW... Who is she?? She was gorgeous and I instantly fell in love with her! 

Episode 4

So moving on to the second and third years of my Senior college which were like a beginning of the Golden Period. I'll always cherish those days.

I asked around and I overheard a conversation from the juniors nearby, they were talking about her n they said "Bro, don't even think about it, she's hardcore in love with someone else." My heart was shattered but up for the challenge!! (felt so motivated!)

Well after the whole Junior college episodes, I decided I'll treat a woman with respect and I made these small subconscious rules.

One of the rules is "NOT TO PURSUE WHAT'S ALREADY BAKING" (I know that didn't make sense, I meant not to go after someone else's gal. Plus I didn't even know her name at that point. Only thing I remembered were those mysterious eyes!).

So I looked away and I got into one memorable relationship with Zoey, the super-smart woman who is now happily married to a really handsome bloke. Oh and they also have a baby!! I'm really happy for them. (I'll discuss Zoey some other time)

Episode 5

Recap EPISODE 2

The gal from my school days Kate, all grown up to be this beautiful woman. I really liked her and I really wanted to be in a serious relationship with her.

We went on many dates, movies and drinks, causal intimacy here & there. (Hey relax I won't say anything beyond this, I understand its private so relax).

The social networking bug had already seized my head and I was into online dating. One fine day I found that mysterious gal from Senior College on Facebook. (I was like yay!!!)

So I just sent her a Facebook friends request. (She added me!! I was so happy!! After almost 2 years I get to add her!!) I could recognize her by just her profile picture. Oh her names Norah.

I looked at her status and it said "in a relationship" and I was like "It's cool" just wanna talk to her and all.....(yeah I that sounded like whaaaaa?)

I waited for her to come online... almost a week later she finally replies.

Soon we began to chat online... Shortly Norah and I exchanged phone numbers. I wanted to meet her, I wanted to know her better. She didn't know that I was dating until I told her that my beautiful relationship with Kate was going sour.

I spoke of a white lie. I wanted Norah more... (I broke another rule "Never cheat or lie to the one you in a relationship with).

I had to end my relationship with Kate. I wanted her to break up with me. I was just being being naive and I wasn't being truthful to myself and to her. I couldn't treat her rudely also. I wanted to escape this relationship and begin a new one.  I couldn't be with Kate because I've been cheating. (She deserved better)

Episode 6

I got a job which was just a 15 min walk from my place (awesome !!!) Working as a Social Media Marketer, I was going great, my office was nearby, had a great romantic life (with Norah). I was  enjoying my golden period. Norah and I were going on so many dates and I really loved spending time with her. But we never actually got to spend much time together. (We dated for almost 2 years and we went on like just 5-10 dates).

Yes, I know it was hardly anytime together. People kept telling me that you guys look great together and all... I was like yeah she's the "love of my life!"

I was happy.

Happier than ever....

Working in Social Media can be quite cramping up because your always at one place and your world is mostly in one cubicle. (kinda got sick of it) but the other thing that bothered me was that Norah was quite nagging and kept telling me that I never spend time with her. (Norah was absolutely right)

I started spending more time with friends from school, Junior & Senior college and I just wanted to spend time with them.

One of my very close friend 'Crazy Bob' from Senior College days shifted to a Doha to earn BIG and was asked me to come work in his company as a Graphic Designer and since I had few skills in that area I decided to go...

I wanted to come out of that box so much! It was my golden ticket to earn BIG.

My focus shifted to my relationship, I couldn't handle long distance, I was really happy on what I have than what I wanted more. (Dominoes falling...)

It was a good opportunity but I had no idea whats coming next.....

Episode 7

The Domino Effect can last for seconds, days and even years. The chain reaction doesn't stop...

Early 2009, Internet was booming and Social Media Networking was the main course of a Sunday meal. Currently, there are around 1.6 billion (citation needed) Facebook users around the world compared to just 31 million (citation needed) in 2009. (Yeah that's a Big Bang).

Nowadays not many people would prefer Internet Dating because it's a different game. (who knows?!? There must be a sweaty fat guy on the other side of the screen pretending to a busty woman looking for some fun...)

So clearly you can understand it isn't a good idea to date some stranger online.

(Well, not in my case. Most of my flings were online based)

During a point of time Facebook was getting too messed up with new games, invitations to play online games... (it was becoming Orkut in someways) and having like around 300+ friends on your Facebook profile you would get like around 1000 invitations per day for various games that you have no time for...

So I immediately switched to Twitter, which was simple, easy and neat. By now I have around 60,000 tweets already. (I talk/bitch/nag/complain a lot..... Don't be fooled.. my Social Meter is strong).

A few weeks of Twitter brought me some interesting followers, and interesting woman. (I know it took me a while to get to the damn point :) )

Julia, beautiful 'gal next door' (She was from another city *sigh*), she had a very deep dark secret following her.

We exchanged numbers and often we spoke to each other over the phone. Everyday, hours after hours, We spoke about random stuff, love, relationships, movies, food, traveling.... (Yeah a full digital "Chance Pe Dance").

I wanted to meet her in person but she was quiet skeptical in meeting some stranger from Twitter. We preferred to keep our relationship open. We dated other people too (people from outside the Internet) So I continued to flirt with her which led to a lot of naughty stuff online (well she was into kinky stuff).

I won't go any further. I hope you know some creepy stuff happens online. (It's not a myth)

Anyways, Julia had to complete her Final year in college and somehow even I got bored with all the online dating because I really wanted to date someone in person until I met Kate.

It never ends well with long distance relationships. (Spoiler alert: Even Norah felt the same).

Meanwhile I was having an online relationship with Julia while I was still dating Kate. (Arey! No one gets serious in an online relationship).

I did tell Julia about me going out with Kate. At first I thought she would be okay about it. (why do i have to be always be honest about everything??). Like most women, she didn't take it well though we defined our relationship to be open. Sometimes emotions can get the better of u.

We haven't spoken to each other since then. I kinda wish I never made that decision by being completely honest her.

Did you really expect me to stop the story here?

Well all I know now is that she's traveling the world and she's become some kind of spiritual wanderer. (at times even I feel I should so the same thing).

Honesty is a double edged sword. It can either save your life or destroy it in a second.

The Domino Effect still continues....


(Episode 8 coming soon)

A Tribute to the Genius

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me.… Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful—that’s what matters to me.” – Steve Jobs

On October 5th 2011, we lost an icon, one of the biggest geniuses of our times, The Zen-Master of Technology - Steve Jobs. He was not only an icon; he was an idol, an eternal source of inspiration, a maverick and a marketing genius. He was the patron saint of entrepreneurs. Sir Isaac Newton once reflected that if his vision extended farther than others it was because he stood upon the shoulders of giants.

As any creative person knows, and certainly those in business will tell you, that the road to ultimate success is often paved by initial failures; as long as they are viewed for what they are i.e. a treasure trove of valuable lessons.

From humble origins in 1976, Steve – more than anyone else – propelled Apple Inc. into one of the world’s best known and most admired consumer electronics companies. This was achieved through a relentless pursuit of innovation, technical perfection and high emphasis on design aesthetics. He inspired a cult-like following for himself and Apple products, many of which bore his signature style.

For 35 years, Steven Paul Jobs stood like a colossus at the global intersection of computers, consumer electronics, popular culture and fine design.
TIME magazine got it right when they called him “Technology’s Great Inventor”. People would wait anxiously to see his amazing keynotes; they would have to go through a huge line to buy the new Apple product because after hearing his speech, they felt that we couldn’t survive without the latest Apple release.

As he once said during his most valued thoughts,
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

We actually liked all his perfectionism because his charisma and enthusiasm would get our attention in a way we could feel he was speaking directly to us, solving our problems, delivering something only we were thinking about. He knew exactly what to do, to grab our attention; in fact that’s what we loved about him.

For some, his philosophy is - what matters most is figuring out what you love to do, passionately pursuing a career in that area, committing yourself to thoroughly understanding it, always going by your own judgment, monitoring how you spend your time, and continually adjusting your activities in order to achieve the greatest happiness possible.

Apple and Steve Jobs were not really making computers or consumer electronics. It manufactured personalized dreams for seven billion human beings. In moments like this there is not much we can say, only thanks, thanks Steve for being so amazing. Rest in Peace.

FOUR THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO!

FOUR THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO!
There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for all Mobile Phones is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and your mobile will search any existing network in your area to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialled even if the keypad is locked. This works on all phones worldwide and is free. It is the equivalent of 000.

Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: "
If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home,""Call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone."" "Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be thousands of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).Editor's Note: I didn’t believe this when I heard about it! I rang my daughter in Sydney from Perth when we went on holiday. She had the spare car key. We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!'


Hidden Battery Power

To activate, press the keys *3370# (remember the asterisk). Do this when the phone is almost dead.
Your mobile will restart in a special way with this new reserve and the instrument will show a 50%
increase in battery life. This reserve will get re charged when you charge your mobile next time.
This secret is in the fine print in most phone manuals. Most people however skip this information without realising.

How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #Ensure you put an asterisk BEFORE the #06# sequence.
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. If your phone ever get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back,
but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody done this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.. "This secret is also in the fine print of most mobile phone manuals. It was created for the very purpose of trying to prevent phones from being stolen.""

"Also -ATM PIN Number Reversal - Good to Know !!

If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, you can notify the police by entering your PIN # in reverse. For example, if your pin number is 1234, then you would put in 4321. The ATM system recognizes that your PIN number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine. The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to the robber, the police will be immediately dispatched to the location. All ATM’s carry this emergency sequencer by law.This information was recently broadcast on by Crime Stoppers however it is seldom used because people just don't know about it.
Please pass this along to everyone.

It is a small world...

“It is a small world. You do not have to live in it particularly long to learn that for yourself. There is a theory that, in the whole world, there are only five hundred real people (the cast, as it were; all the rest of the people in the world, the theory suggests, are extras) and what is more, they all know each other. And it’s true, or true as far as it goes. In reality the world is made of thousands upon thousands of groups of about five hundred people, all of whom will spend their lives bumping into each other, trying to avoid each other, and discovering each other in the same unlikely teashop in Vancouver. There is an unavoidability to this process. It’s not even coincidence. It’s just the way the world works, with no regard for individuals or for propriety.”

— Neil Gaiman, English author of short fiction, novels, comic books, graphic novels, audio theatre and films,Anansi Boys, Morrow, 2005

Atheist..

As an atheist, I see nothing “wrong” in believing in a god. I don’t think there is a god, but belief in him does no harm. If it helps you in any way, then that’s fine with me. It’s when belief starts infringing on other people’s rights when it worries me. I would never deny your right to believe in a god. I would just rather you didn’t kill people who believe in a different god, say. Or stone someone to death because your rulebook says their sexuality is immoral. It’s strange that anyone who believes that an all-powerful all-knowing, omniscient power responsible for everything that happens, would also want to judge and punish people for what they are.

— Ricky Gervais

Life....

Around us, life bursts with miracles—a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.

— Thich Nhat Hahn

After a while...

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.” -

Veronica A. Shoffstall

Some random thought....

"Reading the writing of someone you know in real life —is like a dagger to the ribs, sometimes, an electroshock jumping in your mess of veins back to your heart, a string of barbed wire around your ankles that you don’t notice until you try to get up and trip your skin all over the string; it’s like missing a step down the stairs and getting that split-half-second adrenaline rush of vertigo and then the breath that comes too fast, after; it’s the most uncomfortable feeling sometimes. Because words are never just words, they’re, they are—bowls, windows, vases, thorns, needles, and it’s like having solid objects hurled at you. Especially when you realize that the words might mean more than just what they are. It’s just: They’re this person’s thoughts on a paper or a page, and you have the irrational, weird thought that it’s just too private, it’s just something not meant to be shared, even if it’s been given freely to your eyes— and it feels like having their blood all over, all over, all, over, your fingers, and it feels like you’ve got their heartbeat in tune with yours now, and also. Also, it feels like dying. And every time you see them, now, every time you speak to them or smile or see them update something on a social networking site, all you think about is that one page or paragraph or sentence they’ve written that’s touched you, that’s grabbed you and never, ever let go, never since, and you can’t look at them the same way ever again, without feeling like you know some terrible secret of the universe that, if you accidentally let slip, might turn and snap all of your bones." - Anonymous

(Or maybe this is all just me, m-e, melodramatic as usual. Remember in elementary school when they told you everybody feels the world in different ways? Well, sometimes it’s like I’ve got synesthesia of the thoughts. Always wondered where I’d place on a Rorschach test, seeing bats out of dots and stories out of nothing.)